Our world is shifting.
Being STRONG will be crucial.
This way of living is where I arrived after prolonged self-work. I finally, finally, finally, dragged myself into reality. So much I didn’t want to see. This Rx for living may seem hard, harsh, reductionist, cold. It would have seemed so to me for most of my life. Now it seems like the only way I ever want live.
I wanted a world where I could be soft. A world where all could be gentle with each other. Where an open heart could live freely.
I refused to see that this world was not the sweet world of my dreams for far too long. Rejected all evidence. Wishful thinking funded bad decision after bad decision. Until the day I opened my eyes.
Face up to reality works. No more “oughta be.” Just what IS.
Real.
Just what’s real.
Real can make you Strong. But it takes courage. A lot of courage, and a lot of presence. Presence in the moment.
Also, Real and Strong are not Harsh.
Don’t be harsh with yourself.
Discipline, yes.
Keep it consistent but keep it gentle.
The whole point is a better relationship with self. Self-abuse/self-shaming/self-punishment, no way.
As a neurodivergent and former single mom, I get it that all this may not be doable for time, health, $$ reasons. I’m blessed that I can take care of myself at last. Do what you can. Add to your self-care when you can.
Here’s my recipe for STRONG:
Strong Habits
It’s habits that build your life, not awareness, not choices. Awareness and choices are the beginning, but it’s habits that dictate your current moment and build your future.
Look at your daily routines. Are they building the future you want?
I’m making a lot of recommendations here.
Just reading about,
thinking about,
new habits won’t make a difference.
Creating and solidifying new habits, will.
Take on one new habit at a time.
One new focus at a time.
Pick the one that could make the greatest impact, or start small.
Doesn’t matter where you start.
Just start.
With new habits it’s normal to have a learning curve that takes a while. It’s fine to backslide. Whenever you notice that you forgot the new habit, just lean back into it without beating yourself up.
Keep returning to the habit you want to gel in. Over and over again. Enough repetitions, and congrats! You just built yourself a powerful new habit. Pat yourself on the back. This is how it’s done. One down. Happy dance.
Now go build yourself another.
Strong Mindset
The earlier in your life you start investing in yourself the earlier you’ll rise, and the fewer mistakes you’ll make that set you back.
Get into self-work.
Lots of resources online.
Lots of great books.
Psychotherapy can work.
Group therapy can work.
Weekend retreats and workshops can offer inspo but seldom create lasting change.
No money for therapy, don’t like groups, or want a DIY place to start? Spend an hour a day in silence, no devices, music, or people.
Just you…… And the UNIVERSE.
Journal with pencil and paper or dictate your thoughts.
Sounds easy.
It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do.
Literally.
It’s the most extreme sport of all.
Only the most courageous can stick with it.
Do that for a year and you'll blow your own mind what you can accomplish.
Answers are found INSIDE YOU, nowhere else.
But if you stay distracted you’ll never hear them.
Focus on asking the right questions.
Let the Universe deliver the right answers.
The practice of silence is literally learning to listen. Like any skill, it improves the more you do it. Solidify your relationship with the Universe to receive the answers you need.
Give it time. It takes time to open the channel. Do your self-work in the quiet time as the Universe slowly, gradually, gets easier and easier to hear.
Invest in yourself as your greatest asset.
You are the common denominator of everything in your life.
Address addictions as a starting point.
Got a regular thing you do that harms you? Start there. Addictions will derail you from getting your life together. 12-step programs work for many people.
Clear your traumas. Not your fault but no one’s coming to fix it but you. Untreated PTSD/cPTSD not only underlies most addictions, it’s the constant invisible “friend” that can jump out at any moment to wreck your life. Trauma lives on long afterward in your nervous system. Losing your shit doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Most often it means that you have unresolved PTSD, are neurodivergent, are overwhelmed, or all 3. Don’t be ashamed. Just learn how to recognize when you’re dysregulated and how to re-regulate yourself. You need to stay regulated to stay present.
A great book is The Body Keeps The Score by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk.
Clearing trauma will clear much of your self-sabotage [even that term is shaming]. It’s not you being a dumbass, it’s your nervous system begging for help.
Clearing trauma makes it a lot harder for people to work you, tip you over, gaslight you.
Build up your self-esteem.
Nothing builds self-esteem like these things:
Effort: Roll up your sleeves and get to it. You’ll make mistakes, that’s a guarantee. Do it anyway. Learn as you go.
Integrity: If you’re shady everyone knows, you don’t even fool yourself. And the Universe sees everything.
Accountability: Yep, that was me. My bad. Yes, I see how that did harm. Here’s my genuine apology. I’ll do some exploration around why I did that. Yes, I’ll bring changed behavior.
>You can’t do accountability until you can bear the weight of your own shame. You can. Learning that the shame belongs to the perp, not the victim, is key. Shame seems bigger when it’s chasing you than when you turn and face it. Don’t give up on this one: Accountability is the cleanest feeling in the world.
Get informed. Be curious. Be hungry to learn. Knowledge is just a tap away. Search out intel you need to strengthen your life.
Strong Body
Take responsibility for your physical wellbeing.
It’s your house and your vehicle.
Don’t rely on “the system” or on any single source of information.
Don’t get sucked into conspiracies on either side.
Do your own research from widely varied sources.
Get informed enough to make your own decisions.
Decide how to take care of your body and health.
Be your own defender and your own advocate.
Whatever your health habits, you will reap the benefits and/or pay the prices.
Do resistance training: Build muscle mass and strong bones.
Stretch to maintain flexibility.
Walk.
Breathe. Deep. Again. SO luxurious.
Food can be power or poison. Eat food that is power; don’t eat poison. Most processed “food” is poison.
Prioritize quality sleep.
Drink lots of water.
Remove toxins from your space.
Attend to health needs.
Become a self-care boss:
Observe your body’s needs, provide what is needed.
Don’t ignore yourself.
Don’t abandon yourself.
Treat your body like the sweetest, most precious one. Love on them.
Great self-care strongly supports self-esteem. Self-care is walking your self-love talk. You get a two-fer on this one.
Something off? Health symptoms are to get your attention. Don’t nuke the errand boy by “fixing” the symptom. Figure out root causes in your emotions and lifestyle. Fix the root cause and you not only fix the symptom, you’re preventing further problems.
Think in terms of frequency. Your body is an energy system manifest in form. Frequency is fluid. Look for causation in frequency. The most powerful healing works a concurrent fix in both energy and in form.
Strong Spirit
Maintain a consistent spiritual practice. Pick one that feels right or make up your own. Just be regular.
Faith in something greater than yourself can help you weather a lot of storms.
I’ve often said that beliefs are choices. Given that, I prefer to choose beliefs that add to, not subtract from, my wellbeing.
There can be an order... a life-force entwining the baby hummingbird fallen from its nest with the furthest new star being born... Mystery, miracles, and magic can exist. Even if unseen, they are there to be felt. Why deny yourself this joy and meaning?
A belief in cosmic order, purpose and benevolence is more supportive for a happy life.
Believing that life’s a bitch and then you die? No thanks.
Consider this. Choose your beliefs accordingly.
Strong Skillset
Hone your expertise. The best experts practice every single day. Put in your 10,000 hours to get seriously badass skills at something you love.
Look for intersections between what you offer and what is needed.
Develop your untapped talents.
Practice things you’re bad at until you’re better.
Study for new degrees/credentials.
Form strategic alliances.
Look into the future.
What will the world need?
What will your community need?
What will your family need?
What will you need?
Build skills with future needs in mind.
Strong Money
Money is a great thing to work on in your mindset practice. Most people have at least some blocks around money. The goal isn’t to release these blocks so you can get more money, hoard more money, buy more stuff.
What you try to manifest is a test, folks, co-creation is a test of character. It’s a power that is also a TEST.
A healthy use of the power of co-creation is to create peaceful, trusting exchange with the Universe.
Money takes on outsized importance when we forget that real supply is from Source. Connection to Source brings sufficient supply when we freely give our gifts, time, effort, into the world.
We give to Source, we receive from Source.
Money is neutral, but can get perverted as a tool for power and maintenance of hierarchies. More about reciprocity vs. greed in Strong Planet.
Strong Space
Your space should be your charging station.
Identify what recharges you.
Identify what drains you.
Do what you can to make your space a place that fills you up, not a place that empties you out.
There was little/no recharge for me during my working single mom years, I get it. Still, set up every bit of inner battery-charging you can. May not be possible for lots of reasons, but make this happen as you can.
Refine not just your workflows but your life-flows.
Need quiet? Create it.
Need background sounds? OK.
Need routines? Set ‘em up.
Need to switch it up on the regular? OK, do that then.
Get more functional and organized.
Build a “base camp” for your day-to-day needs where the most-used stuff is right up front. Same in your kitchen area. Get working systems efficient and tight.
Identify pain points in your life and get rid of them. If you can’t get rid of them, work out incremental improvements.
Make your space beautiful in your eyes. Let it reflect your vibe. Make it a restful retreat for your soul. As much as possible. Even in just one corner or in just one drawer, for right now. That can be a start and a promise to yourself for the future.
Got plants? Houseplants breathe you in; you breathe them in. It’s green synergy. Even one can brighten a space. Brown thumb? Not anyone’s destiny, just a lack of knowledge. Look it up. Learn how.
Got light? Sunshine, suncatchers, rainbows all bring joy and peace.
Got sounds? Keep sound flowing for your soul. Nature sounds, music, chimes, whatever brings you peace.
Strong Heart
Love your precious humans, few or many.
Spend time with animals.
Spend time in nature.
Plant a garden.
Deepen your bond with Mother Earth.
Love your own miraculous, precious self. If you can’t do this yet, get to work on it. See Strong Mindset.
Build and maintain a support network.
Invest in people who will have your back when you need it. Not everyone will, be discerning.
Create:
Art.
Music.
A potholder.
Having a true artistic gifts vs. homegrown arts & crafts isn’t the point.
Gift yourself a creative outlet. Whatever brings your Inner Child alive.
Dance:
As often as possible.
Let yourself move in joy.
Dance it out.
Cry:
Open hearts don’t hold it all in.
Open hearts can’t hold it all in.
Cry when you need to.
Cry in grief, cry for catharsis, cry at miracles, cry when it’s so funny you pee your pants.
If you cry, you can laugh.
Laugh:
Laugh your ass off.
Not at awkwardness or misfortune. Not with hate.
But laugh.
Be silly. Tell stupid jokes. Be goofy.
Let some fun happen.
Strong Community
Nurture your community.
Participate. Share experiences. Share joy.
Support kids’ teams.
Support local events and charities.
Support small business.
Support those in need:
If you’re an elder, mentor someone younger.
If you’re younger, assist an elder.
If you have privilege, defend someone at risk.
If you have money, donate.
If you have extra, give away.
If you have time, listen.
Strong Planet
Momma’s getting rocky as a platform for current life forms.
She can handle herself, she knows how to reboot.
But a reboot won’t support continuing life as we know it.
Humans and our plant and animal relatives need a pretty limited set of conditions to survive --- an even more limited set of conditions to thrive, to celebrate this paradise of a natural world.
There IS no Plan-et B.
Maybe someday.
But do you really want to live underground?
Let’s terraform Earth back to paradise.
Waaay more doable.
>>>>>Never, never surrender to the “I can’t do anything” mentality.
Walk, bicycle, scooter, public transportation, rideshare, burn less fuel. Choose lower carbon footprints. Drive less.
Sun, wind and water are sustainable sources of energy. Support them.
Eradicate greed in yourself. More more more more IS the fundamental problem. There are enough resources for all to thrive if they were distributed, not hoarded in hierarchy.
When you need to buy something, think quality and repairable. Thrifting locally or online circulates money among individuals and keeps mountains of waste items out of landfills.
Momma Earth provides us, gifts us, with all we need. Colonizer culture fails in reciprocity, so the circle is never closed, the gift is never returned. We are here to be stewards, not rapists, ever-hungry for more plunder. Consume/discard, consume/discard with no appreciation and no respect...
Indigenous peoples lived hundreds of thousands of years in a sustainable circle of reciprocity with Earth. A circle of love and mutual nurture and support. Cooperation was the key, practices were maintained, all could flourish.
>Greed has destroyed us in just 200 years.
Feeling empty fuels greed. Build the strong in yourself and you are not empty. Your growth spirals out to help on every level.
Strong mind.
Strong body.
Strong heart.
Strong soul.
Strong kinship/friendship network.
Strong communities.
Strong Earth.
Build your STRONG. Build it together.
>>>>NOTHING HAPPENS OVERNIGHT.
But consistent efforts always deliver.
Consistent efforts always deliver.
I love you.
